2007 pitching standout Sarah Brown (2.00 ERA) took the mound in the top of the first and proved that her walks and tears are a thing of the past and 2008 should prove that her south side toughness is both mental and physical. Completing the Battery for game 1 was catcher, Chatty Cervenka. Expectations for her were low coming into the season but an offseason tune up of her hitting mechanics helped her shed that haunting "Helen Keller" persona. "I can't help but credit my early hitting success to the extra swings I took at Sluggers Sports Bar in between the shots and googly eyes from Luke," commented Chatty Keller. "It had nothing to do with Andy working with me, tirelessly rubbing dirt on my hands saying softball chatty...softball." I guess sometimes it easier to learn what water is opposed to softball.
Breaking the game wide open in the bottom of the 2nd innings was first baseman Cliff Barnett. Number 0 Cliff Barnet might be better remembered by his outstanding one handed sticky glove touchdown catch during the winter football season. However, he feels that in softball there is no need for sticky batting gloves, even though he fully expects to lead the team in RBI's. I asked Cliff, what inspired you to hit those run in. He commented, "if the pros do it, then I am going to do it. That's just what I do." I couldn't have put it any better myself.
Time will tell how the middle infield consisting of "Ferty" Furman, and Kellie "The Riot" Hasselbeck will fair. As for now the better half of this duo does not lead the team in errors and strikeouts.
Luke Tripodi, recently handed a stiff punishment of a statless season looked phenomenal at 3rd base. The glimmer of the sun penetrating in and out of the cracked horizon really accentuated his flawless silky smooth features. After the game I got a chance to speak with him. "After being told of this statless season penalty, I lost a piece of my soul. However after looking at Andy and seeing the time and dedication he put towards his red outfit and matching red hat, he has shown me a new way and I will come to the next game fully dressed in matching game attire."
Luke went on to express his anger toward the third base coach, and holding him up from what would have been the game winning run. "I signed a Chicago sports medical waiver before the game that puts me responsible for my own safety. I don't need no coach to tell me what I can and can't do." "Sure Luke...sure, but its I don't need a coach to tell me what I should or shouldn't do," I added. Safety first.
Fielding was scarce for Outfielders, Justin Smith, Andy Carpenter, and "Peanut" Carpenter, due to the lack of power and ability the Shockers displayed offensively. The only run scoring action came in the 3rd inning when Kristina Carpenter spastically ran down a fly ball and athletically avoided getting hit in the face. She has shown much improvement over last year, where as last year it would have landed right in between her eyes, once again shedding tears of embarrassment.
Justin Smith's childhood dream of making a diving catch in a game will have to wait two more weeks, however his manhood dreams of targeting defenseless girls while batting came true today as he hit a team high 4 for 4. The targeting of defenseless girls is not to be confused with this 1997 conviction, which landed him a minimum sentence of 1 year, which he served and went right back to his old ways. Smith currently leads the team in average, on base percentage and prison league mvp trophies.
The late offseason acquisition of rover Lauren Ritter proved favorable for the Master Batters as she showed a striking resemblance to a late careered Chuck Knoblauch. Her fielding was flawless, however the team could have kidnapped anyone from a topless "boys town" bar to throw the ball to first more effectively.
The 2008 Master Batters showed glimpses of perfection, but it will come down to their ability to avoid the potholes on the long road to the Chicago Sports Softball Championship.
Staff writer
