For all you Master Batter parents that have ever asked the questions "what did I do wrong?" or "why is my child so much worse then all the other children?", you can finally sleep a little easier. Hold your heads high today parents because on July 27, 2008 your child proved they are not completely useless and unathletic. They have proven to you all, that they are at least better than 10 other kids on this day. They may have lost in their first round Regional match of the Northern Indiana High School tennis tournament, been born with red hair or even color blind as one might be above, however all is forgotten as they improve to 6-0 in the Chicago co-ed 12 inch slow pitch softball league.
Pitcher Sarah Brown (ERA 3.74) ended her complete game streak dating back from May of 2007 , when (RF) Peanut Carpenter came in relief in the 3rd inning. Brown was so upset that she later defied all softball rules and re-entered herself as the pitcher again in the 5th. Later in the game out of pure frustration she either swung at the pitch way too early or crushed it all the way to the pitcher, as indicated in the picture provided by the associated press. Peanut Carpenter, who was recently diagnosed with color blindness once again came to the field
in the wrong colored uniform. She did provide 1 solid inning of scoreless relief pitching and 5 innings of errorless right field. Her only struggle throughout the day was getting family members to try her pineapple salsa before the game. "It was alright after my first bite, but later it was just hard to keep down. I think she got the recipe from the North Trailer Park Elementary School lunch lady." said Mrs. Furman after throwing her salsa in the garbage. Nothing is set in stone but rumors are going around that some sort of class action lawsuit is in the works over this pineapple salsa mixture.
in the wrong colored uniform. She did provide 1 solid inning of scoreless relief pitching and 5 innings of errorless right field. Her only struggle throughout the day was getting family members to try her pineapple salsa before the game. "It was alright after my first bite, but later it was just hard to keep down. I think she got the recipe from the North Trailer Park Elementary School lunch lady." said Mrs. Furman after throwing her salsa in the garbage. Nothing is set in stone but rumors are going around that some sort of class action lawsuit is in the works over this pineapple salsa mixture. 
Bash sisters and co-catchers 'Chatty' Cervenka and Lauren Ritter were in
and out of the lineup Sunday. Again, neither one of them produced a homerun and fans are starting to wonder how in fact they got the nickname the 'Bash Sisters'. The current homerun race to 1 is getting kind of boring to watch for most fans. Other than the amount of lies they tell, they really don't have much in common with the original 'Bash Brothers' Mark McGuire or Jose Canseco.
3rd baseline hitting specialist Kellie Hasselbeck proved once again that she could hit it to third better then anyone else. Her outburst of "WHY ME!!" or "NOT
AGAIN!!" was heard all the way to the sold out fan section. If it wasn't for her endless hustle down the first baseline she might have been benched for her uncalled outburst. Her public apology was accepted and she now realizes the importance of being a roll model for all the young kids out there who hit it to 3rd base way to often. 
Infielders Eric Furman (left), Cliffy Barnett (center) and Mike Smerdla (right) all had flawless days defensively, and provided timely power as the Master Batters stream rolled Dunder Mifflins very below average defense. Barnett still has problems running through the 3rd base coaches stop sign, however after he explained that he greased up that hip and ball joint, he has been getting the green light to run wherever and whenever he wants.
(LF) Andy Carpenter battled back Sunday after a slow recovery from a can of pringles containing a sneaky ingredient called Olestra. Like a ninja, the stealthy placement of the consumer alert was in between the 'buy 2 get one free' ad on the can. Touche pringles...touche. Even after the muddy bubbles and seepage subsided, Andy was still unable to execute a diving play for the only crowd of the season. He did however contribute to the two best dishes at the pre-game cookout. Rave reviews on the zucinni bread and guac dip were heard all over the park. **warning label to future consumers: Olestra causes muddy bubbles, and seepage where there should'nt be any seepage which in turn results in zero friends and high underwear bills.**
Bad Blood seems to be arising between (LF) Kuntz and (CF) Smith after Smith felt it appropriate to call for every ball in the outfield. Not only does Smith want all the RBI's, but now he now wants all the fly balls too. He did finally get a taste of what it was like to run after a ball in the 2nd inning, however no one thought the selfish actions would carry throughout the
game. It is this kind of selfish play that has been known to tear championship teams apart. To add to the fire Tripodi's comment of Kuntz being the slowest human alive also did not go unnoticed. -
Overall the Master Batters were in rare form Sunday. Hits are becoming hard to come by for opponents as Tripodi sparks an infield with running webgems,and balls landing in the oufield grass are becoming increasingly rare. Everyone always seems to know how many outs there are even if there are none thanks to catcher Cervenka. It is this kind of play that will carry the Master Batters to their 2nd championship in 3 years.
**pictures and youtube footage provided by Mr. Smith**
