Tripodi Crushes Final Blow, Job Secure, as Master Batters Stroke Their Way Past "This Team Stinks" 12-2 in 5 innings

The question whether utility player Luke Tripodi belongs on the Master Batters squad was answered Sunday night after delivering the game ending smash, putting the game out of reach for "This Team Stinks." The muffled shot under the crowds roar put the Master Batters up 10 in the bottom of the 5th, keeping the hopes alive of a winless season for the genetically inferior conference rivals.

Recent questions arose for the GM whether or not Tripodi would be demoted to the (AAA) Alaska Skilled Swingers organization, however his recent fielding resemblence to Tampa Bay Rays Evan Lungoria has proven to upper management that Tripodi is here to stay and his early season struggles are over for now.


Pitcher, Sarah Brown maintained her 2.00 ERA improving her record to 2-0 for the season. The only team that would have given Brown less competition would have been Saint Mary's Sister of the Blind. SMSotB went on to win their blind league championship 418-412 in seven innings last year. The game took a record 4 days and 17 hours to complete. Both coaches felt their pitchers walked entirely too many batters during this endless marathon. "Its like our pitcher had no idea where the strike zone was," commented the coach from SMSotB. Catcher "Chatty" Cervenka was the MVP of that record breaking championship game. Her performance later warranted a 3 year contract with the Master Batters contingent on the completion of her running training with an African wounded gazelle.

Cliff Barnett once again provided much needed power to the Master Batters lineup, however he was fined $100 after the game for making anti-team comments. "Are you kidding me Luke, don't you know I was up next...you know I wanted more RBI's right?" spouted Barnett. His running through the third base coach's stop sign was also noticed. Cliff later commented that he needed one more run scored to increase his Chicago sport and social fantasy softball ranking.

Shortstop Eric Furman showed glipses of perfection as he and Tripodi turned the first double play of the season. The only strange occurrence of that play was that the girl running to first base decided to carry a piano. Later, in the bottom of the 5th inning Furman was confronted with his childhood fear, not of being picked last in recess kickball, but of striking out in back-to-back games. However his determination payed off when he singled in a run raising the opposing pitchers ERA to 36.98.

Justin Smith (CF) continued his hitting streak to 2 games as he is yet to get an out in the 2008 season. He is currently leading the league in hits and on-base percentage. I got a chance to speak to Smith after the game. "My whole goal this year is to get on base more times than the soap is dropped in a White Sox post game shower," he explained. It took me a minute to understand that strange comment, but later realized that either the Sox are pretty gay, or somehow Smith has a VIP pass to this strange event.

Number 57 Mike Shimerdla was caught sleeping at 3rd base during this snoozfest as no balls were hit in his direction. He went 1-3 during his 2008 Master Batter debute. It was an extended spring training game for him and he is trying to find the swing that will lead the team is slugging percentage.

Unfortunate news did happen prior to the game as Peanut Carpenter (RF) and Andx Kuntz (LF) had an mishap in a post game shower and will be placed on the 14 day DL, leaving them unable to play in next weeks matchup. However not much will be lost offensively as they went 2-8 at the plate. Important lessons were learned during this mishap, and they are: NEVER PARTAKE IN ANY COUPLES SHOWERS ESPECIALLY ON GAME DAY.

The Master Batters move to the top of the league rankings with this win as they are now a perfect 2-0. They do however have many holes in there defense located mostly between their legs.